Five Years

I have a hard time giving myself credit. I mean, logically I know I’ve done some pretty big things but it’s so hard for me to pause and give myself credit for how far I’ve come. I don’t know if this is because I know there is still work to do and I haven’t gotten where I want to be, or because I actually feel guilty for praising myself because I never want to be perceived as conceited. Ridiculous? Yes. Honest? Absolutely.

I was at therapy on Friday when my therapist pointed out my progress. “I think the really amazing thing is seeing you today compared to who you were when you first sat on my couch. The woman who sat on my couch was fragile. She didn’t know if she would survive her divorce. She was scared what her relationship with her kids would look like. She was scared. And here we are. You’ve survived a divorce and you’ve found a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship. You have amazing relationships with your kids that is built on open communication and healthy boundaries. They know they can trust you and depend on you. You have shown them what struggle and hard work looks like. You are not, in any way, the same woman who sat on my couch 5 years ago. “

Her words literally took my breath away. I could feel myself sitting on that couch for the first time, terrified of the future. Terrified that I wouldn’t survive. Terrified I wouldn’t be able to feed my kids. Terrified of LIFE. Fragile. Broken. Lost. I cried. Hard. Because when someone puts it all in perspective, you can actually see how far you’ve come. I’m no longer terrified of the future. I’m excited to see all the things I know I’ll do because I’ve done more than just survive the last five years – I’ve thrived.

Hang in there, you. Wherever you are today on your journey is nowhere close to where you will be this time next year, and most certainly not where you’ll be in five years. I promise there will soon be a day you pause for reflection and will see how far you’ve actually come.

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