Road Trippin’

If you’ve never traveled long distance by car with punks, you really have no idea what you’re missing and should consider yourself extremely fortunate. For reasons I will never fully understand, the hubs thinks this is the best way to travel despite numerous family vacays that leave him on the verge of going completely batshit crazy.

Every summer he gets some grandiose idea we should set out on an adventure, typically somewhere that, according to the Garmin, should take 14 hours to arrive but ends up taking us no fewer than 16 due to numerous bathroom breaks. After every single stop he announces our new ETA, which now has him completely pissed off. It’s like he’s in a flipping race with the Garmin and our punks diminish any hope he has for a victory. If I were a planner I’d slip him Xanex daily for a week before leaving.

Pinterest is full of really crafty, creative ideas to keep your punks occupied while in the car, but truthfully, the thought of playing I Spy Bingo for eight hours sounds as much fun as listening to Zach recalculate our ETA every 30 miles. Like the good mom I am, I download lots of movies on their tablets and stock up on snack. The bottle of wine I bring for me and the hubs is aged to perfection when we finally arrive at our destination.

We’re gearing up now for our annual Griswold family vacation which means I really need to get my ass in gear. I’m considering booking a first-class flight for myself and meeting the family there. I’ll relax and take advantage of the free cocktails while Zach finally recognizes that road trips suck and he should just let me plan the family vacays from now on.


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