It’s Your Own Little World…

Cortland. If this punk would have been the first born he absolutely would have been an only child. He earned himself the nickname “Crack Baby” when he was about a year old because this punk is absolutely fearless, crazy and just plain weird. We can’t trust him for shit as he continues, time and time again, to make horrible choices that usually result in him getting hurt or me needing a drink. He is the reason why bedtime can’t come fast enough everysingleday and why I have to color my hair every five weeks.

With that said, he is also the most unique punk we have. I’m pretty sure he lives in some trippy little world that resembles a psychedelic trip.

This is his trip.


The Ski Bum: Ski goggles. In the summer. In the car. He’s convinced himself that they make him go faster. Einstein. Right here.



The Bank Robber: Nothing says “good morning” like rocking a ski mask while you eat your cereal. The ski mask continues to make numerous appearances. I personally like it when it’s pared with shorts, tank top and flip flops in the summer, despite how it makes his head sweat and stink. I guess that’s what baths are for.



The Layered look: Jeans under athletic shorts under underwear. Well. Okay.


Ink: Because you’re never too young for tattoos.



The Dancer: Keeping it manly with the Spiderman Under-roo’s. I’m pretty sure this one will go in his senior year yearbook because, well, I’m a bitch.



The X-Gamer: Superman shirt (complete with cape), Star Wars backpack, mohawk helmet, T-Rex Vans. If the X-Games don’t work out I see a potential future in with the WWE. That’s still a thing, right?



The Executive: Crocs or Teva’s would make a nice addition to this outfit.



The Hipster: While his taste in music is mostly mainstream (Blake Shelton, M5, Bruno Mars and crap from the Teen Beach movie) he can rock a pair of skinny jeans and glasses like no one’s business. That is, when he actually has a pair of pants on.


The Graduate: If he manages to keep his shit together and stay out of juvie, I’m pretty sure this is a glimpse of his high school graduation. The obsession with these goggles has me wondering if we’re somehow related to Crazy Mike. Look for him in milling around the bars in Old Town in about 18 years. Hope he doesn’t start loving short, cut-off jean shorts and tube socks.



The College Student: Crashes out wearing a camo hat and jammies while doing some hardcore studying of “You’re not my reindeer”. Not pictured – one empty bag of Funyuns, an empty Pizza Shuttle box, and 3 cans of Red Bull that he downed to help keep him awake as he prepares for finals. Also, Rock Chalk!



The Criminal: Spent an entire summer locking himself in the dog kennel. I can’t lie, it did give me some moments of peace so I didn’t do much to discourage this. Eventually he realized it wasn’t much fun to play in the kennel and he stopped doing it. That so happened to be the last time I managed to get showered, finish all the laundry, cook dinner and cleaned the house all in one day.



The Ladies Man: Tom Cruise – the early years. Fully expect him to become a scientologist, jump up and down on a couch like a complete douche, and run his mouth with stupid comments that make people want to kick his ass.



The Aesthetician: 3:30am. Why not indulge yourself in a head to toe moisturizer bath in the middle of the night? BECAUSE THIS IS THE SHIT THAT MAKES YOUR MOM DRINK THAT’S WHY NOT



One word: Drunk.


The Drag Queen: Those shaky hands are the reason we don’t let him use scissors.



The Athlete: Nothing says fun like dressing up in a singlet, headgear and shoes that are three sizes too big. The best part was the actual wrestling match that ensued immediately after this picture which included screaming, crying and a fist fight. He was immediately DQed for un-sportsmanship like behavior.



The Al Bundy: Also farts in his sleep. Give him a beer belly and he’s just your average 35 year old guy.



The Scuba Diver: Goggles. No pants. Pretty sure this punk’s world is the closet thing you can get to an acid trip without actually taking any acid.



The Culture Kid: No word on where he learned how to hula although the floatie on his head vaguely resembles a sombrero. Interesting mix of cultures. I like it.


The Olympic Wrestler: Singlet over jeans and a t-shirt. This punk is going places. In all likelihood, jail will be his first stop, but he’s going somewhere, nonetheless.



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